Six [6] Simple Way to Deal with Saying “I Love You” and Not Hearing It Back

Saying “I love you” and not hearing it back can seriously deter someone from saying “I love you” ever again. But don’t fret, I’ve got you.
“I love you” is a huge step in any relationship, and it’s mostly because we fear what the response will be. Saying “I love you” and not hearing it back feels devastating, but you can bounce back from it.

Why it’s so hard

Nobody wants to be the first person to say the L-word because you’re basically going in blindly. You may think your relationship is going well, and they must love you back, but when it comes down to it, you could be wrong! Maybe they aren’t there yet. Maybe they could never love you because you are too different. It’s safe to say that saying “I love you” is nerve-racking AF.

I was the first person to say “I love you” in my relationship, and, honestly, I cried. My boyfriend was confused about my tears, and he sort of panicked. I explained to him later that I was terrified with the idea of telling him that I loved him. It scared me because that meant he could leave me, and I would be heartbroken. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I think somewhere deep within my psyche I’ve been programmed to believe that people I love, leave.

Not everyone is as emotionally damaged as me, clearly, but, hey, we’re sharing. But now it’s time to talk about you and your “I love you” story… [Read: Heartfelt signs the times is right to say “I love you”]


How to overcome saying “I love you” and not hearing it back

Love is a tricky thing to navigate. It only gets worse if the other person does not feel the same way. There’s nothing you can really do about the other person’s feelings, but you can be prepared for this possible outcome.

#1 Know that it’s not your fault. You did nothing wrong. I know it can be difficult to understand that because you feel rejected. If somebody doesn’t love you, that’s on them. Either they aren’t in a place where they can love anybody, or they aren’t feeling the connection with you. It’s not your fault, and truly nobody is really at fault, per say. There is just a mixed connection somewhere.

#2 It could be poor timing. Maybe they are super into you, but they are going through a lot right now and don’t know how to respond to your “I love you.” Maybe they do feel the same way, but in the moment you tell them how you are feeling, they are overwhelmed with everything in their lives.

Be sure to tell them in good time, and in a good situation. I know it can be difficult to tell at times, but do your best to tell them in an intimate setting.

#3 They might not love you yet. Just because they didn’t say “I love you” back, doesn’t mean they never will. Some people take longer to feel that sort of way, and even longer to express it. Don’t pressure them. Give them time and space to sort things out on their own.

You definitely don’t want them to say “I love you” if they don’t actually mean it, right? Don’t put the pressure on them. Make sure they know that they can take their time coming to terms with their emotions.

#4 Understand that it doesn’t mean you have to break up. They didn’t say “I love you” back, but that doesn’t mean that they want to break up with you. It doesn’t mean you should assume that either. Maybe it was too soon for them *not necessarily for you* to say “I love you.” Again, be patient with them. Make sure you tell them that you don’t need to break up, because it might be assumed from one or both parties.

#5 Maybe you have different intentions. Perhaps you have different intentions. Do you want a serious relationship, and they just want to sleep with you? Consider this. Maybe they even gave you all of the signs, or even told you straight up but you ignored these signs because you so desperately wanted to make a relationship work with them. Be realistic. Don’t force a relationship with someone who doesn’t want one.



#6 You aren’t unlovable. When saying “I love you” and not hearing it back, it can be easy to assume that nobody could ever love you, but know that this is not true. It could be any of the listed reasons or a plethora of other reasons. Just let it go. You are loveable and you are amazing. You will find your partner in life and it will be magical, maybe this just wasn’t the right one for you.